As men, we absolutely love our erections. They may be our biggest (pardon the many puns throughout) source of joy. When we have our erections, we have more confidence and self-esteem. When Mr. Reliable doesn’t show up for work and we fail to fully function, it can trigger depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and a lack of confidence in all areas of our lives.   For many men, our penis becomes a barometer for how we feel about ourselves, intimate relationships and the world.

Erectile Dysfunction ED (or what we used to call impotence) happens to just about all men at some time in their lives. Some studies say that chronic ED happens in about 5% of men under 40 and jumps to 15% of men by the age of 70. Occasional ED issues happen with most men at various times in their lives.

The good news here is that in almost all cases, erections can and will return.

First and foremost, a lack of an erection, or a semi-strong erection does not have to mean the end of your sex life. As men, we are sexual beings. Being a sexual being does not always mean that we express our sexual energy with erections. There are many ways to express our sexual nature besides with our erect penis. Our partners probably will continue to seek our attention and sexual presence.

As a sexuality and relationship coach, I often assist men on both the improvement of their functioning but also to explore the potential healing in other aspects of a man’s life as a result of having this condition. The erection issue is there for a reason. It’s important to understand the factors for this condition, then we can effectively treat it; and the whole man. This penis barometer may be pointing to areas to look at in a man’s life. What else needs attending to in your relationship? What health factors have you been ignoring? How is your emotional health? Are you doing too much porn or acting out? Drinking?

Did you know that…It’s quite normal for erections to gain and lose strength even during sexual play. Also remember, men who don’t have erections can still have intercourse, orgasm and ejaculations.

Now for a little primer on how erections happen. Erections occur naturally in boys even before they are born through their 90’s and beyond.   When we are stimulated by sight, thought or touch the brain will send messages to our ‘smooth’ muscles around our genital region. These signals relax the muscles around the arteries that supply blood to the spongy and cavernous bodies. The veins that drain the blood supply to the penis can’t keep up with the inflow from the arteries resulting in swelling to three balloon-like sacks in our penis.   As the sacks fill the penis becomes firm, not unlike a water balloon.   Pressure of the spongy tissue partially closes the veins, helping then to maintain the erection. The erection continues until the signals from the brain stop.

Why is this happening????
There are numerous physical, emotional, relational and even spiritual reasons for the lack of fully functioning penis. I’ll break down the possible reasons into these three categories. As you read the list, check mark as many factors apply to you and your life situation. Try to not be too discouraged by this list.

Consider this before taking Viagra or Cialis

As I mentioned earlier, there are many reasons why you may have this condition. The body does not lie and always has a purpose and intelligence in its perfect expression…even with erections. Before considering the immediate guaranteed results from Viagra or Cialis consider that your body has its own intelligence. The lack of an erection can be pointing to areas that you may want to consider.

There is nothing wrong with the prescription or even herbal remedies for erectile issues. They may serve to address immediate needs. They can assist men to gain confidence and allow for pleasure for them and/or their partner. A reliance on these medications can have long-term ramifications on a man’s erections. There are potential dangerous side effects from these medications.

There are ways to bring back full function without the use of medication; or at least, to only use it in the beginning in smaller doses to gain confidence.

So what is your non erect penis trying to say to you? Pay attention as this may be of utmost importance.

Some of the messages that you might consider are:

  1. Learn the wisdom of your whole body. You may be too genitally focused for your pleasure. This happens to so many men who are focusing just on their erection and forget the rest of their bodies. Your body holds a system of nerves and opportunities for sensation that needs focusing. A soft penis may be a cry from the rest of your body to pay attention to me too.
  2. An over emphasis to pornography or other forms of acting out may begin to create a need for more and more heightened visual or physical stimulus to have and maintain an erection. This can drain energy from a relationship too.       Many men become bored with sex with their partners as they develop more intensity with pornography, etc.       Stop using porn or other acting out and your erection may return.
  3. You or your partner may be desiring a different kind of intimacy. A flaccid penis may be asking for a different flavor of intimacy.
  4. You have heard the expression…’Use it or lose it.’ If you have not paid attention to your sex life, you may need to spend more time and energy fostering this sexual energy.
  5. The message may be…’my sex life is boring…give me some variety’. The human body is a very, very intelligent and creative organism.       Our bodies need variety and creativity to be fully functioning and happy. Create variety and play.
  6. Experiment with the fun of a ‘soft-on’. The flaccid penis exposes hundreds of nerve endings that are not available on an erect penis.
  7. A partner may be asking for the softness in loving. It expresses a vulnerability that may be needed to take the relationship to a new level of intimacy. Can you express your emotional vulnerability in your relationship? There is a beauty of soft entry during intercourse.
  8. When there are erection issues, it could be pointing to a new phase in your loving. It could signal the initiation of a cycle of deep wisdom pointing to an end to intercourse as a form of loving. It is a chance to learn the beauty of grief and its lessons in life.

For more information or exercises you can do to getting Mr. Happy to salute you and your partner again, contact me.